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3/3/08
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Hey, first time post, working on some flashes that should be done to never, whatever. I'm sure I'll promote it endlessly when that happens. But right now I want to vent about something that's been pissing me off for a long time. Yep, Foamy.

Now before you bitch, it's not for the reasons you think. I used to adore Foamy endlessly (and for all his flaws still love the little rat bastard), it's just two things. One, he wears that smug little pissed-off behavior the same way we wears that "edgy" behavior, like a merit badge. Sure, being a squirrel kind with a chipmunk voice deflates that, making it seem mildly ironic (at least more so than "bad boys" like Carlos Mencia). But basically that's what every Foamy-hater out there has said ad naseum, so let's tread some new ground. Ladies and gentlemen, the foamy principle.

The Foamy Principle: Presenting a made-up story as fact in order to rally support. Normally it's done in a story where the storyteller (liar) says he-she saw someone do something that fits in with whatever opinion they're having about people this week. Now certainly Foamy's not real (I'm not that stupid) and he's certainly not the first person to do it (politicians, cough). All the same though, I don't care. If I'm going to have a three-foot tall squirrel lecture me on something he better be shooting straight. And that little rat-bastard does it all the time.

In the last one it was feminism. Foamy talks about how holding a door open for feminists will merit a bunch of "I don't need a man to hold a door for me" semantics. For this illwillpress gets fucking unanimous 10's. Let's make it clear: No feminist has ever ever bitched at a man for holding a door open. Ever. That little sack of fur takes a premise the average dope agrees with (feminists distort reality, or at least common decency), exaggerates it greatly (feminists don't like men imposing by holding doors), then crafts a story around it (me holding a door open causes feminists to scream, happens all the time).

I'm not calling for a Foamy ban or anything (for all my gripes I agree with he/it). Just saying, Ill-Will, stop inflating yourself this late in the game. You've been doing Foamy for how many years now? Just have Foamy come out, have him make his little song/dance/gripe, and be done. Stop artificially inflating your argument just because it's yours, be a man (or adult squirrel) and ask yourself, "Do I sound full of shit saying this?". Because right now you're just insulting everyone's intelligence. You see, right there, "everyone". I know not everyone is wise to The Foamy Principle (somebody's got to give out those tens), but in saying "everyone" it makes it seem like all of Newgrounds is already on my side. Ah well, I guess it's rubbing off on me. Farewell, my squirrely comrades.


Recent Game Medals

Kill every big enemy 50 Points Kill every big enemy Medal Stats.
Kill every enemy 100 Points Kill every enemy Medal Stats.
I can't stop at any time 100 Points play for 3 hours Medal Stats.
Kill every small enemy 50 Points Kill every small enemy Medal Stats.
Kill 20 Spikes in one game 25 Points Kill 20 Spikes in one game Medal Stats.
Bustin' For a Crap! 5 Points Take a shit Medal Stats.
Hello, Hammy 5 Points Say Hello to Hammy the Hamster Medal Stats.
Collect 5000 skulls 50 Points Collect 5000 skulls Medal Stats.
Evolve to final level 50 Points Evolve to final level Medal Stats.
The final Frontier 50 Points reach space Medal Stats.


Total Medals Earned: 496 (From 46 different games.)